Understanding Mac Geeks: The Week Before Keynote
This is the first of an occasional series that tries to explain just why it is Mac Geeks are like we are. I know that some people Just Don't Get people like us, but I figure if you're trying to understand a certain Mac person in your life, this might be a place to start.
This week, Mac Geeks everywhere are oscillating ever so slightly. It's as if the implanted navigational chip in our aqua-hued brain has activated and we're awaiting instructions.
Okay, so it's not like that.
But we know something is coming. Steve is coming. We've read on various Mac Websites that something's about to Happen™. This year, it's most likely the switch to the Intel CoreDuo architecture, iLife '06 and something else that many people are surmising to be a home entertainment Mac.
What CES is to many other electronics geeks, Macworld San Francisco is to Mac Geeks. It's the show where Apple announces new gear in a flashy keynote with Steve Jobs telling us about Apple's Health, what they've been up to, and what we can look forward to. Generally it works something like this. In a darkened theatre at the Moscone Center, popular music will play while the masses assemble. Usually the masses work out to something like 8,000 people, all excited, all having paid upwards of $600 for their ticket. There's also a conference that happens that week, so most folks aren't just going to the keynote, they're going to the workshops and seminars and hands-on labs as well, so it's not as big of a waste of money as you just thought it was.
The lights on the stage come up, Steve Jobs comes out in jeans and a black turtleneck, and greets the assembled faithful. He's usually in some state of unshaven, which just makes him look like he forgot to get new razor blades. This is cool to everyone in the audience. Remember, Steve is our hero. He makes geek into chic.
There's a section on the health of Apple, how many iPods and Macs they sold, what the trend's looking like, where the OS is going, and some other basic data about the company. This is to remind people that Apple is A) doing really well and B) not going anywhere anytime soon.
Think of this as the opening hymn and greeting in Church. At the Vatican. With the Pope himself presiding.
Now that Steve's got the audience warmed up, it's time to launch into the new things that Apple has coming. This will include software first, and new hardware second. This is like the readings from the Old Testament, and the New Testament. Steve will invite some outside companies and some inside staff to testify demonstrate the new technologies and hardware items. The audience will pay rapt attention, laugh at Steve's jokes, ooh and aah. There may even be some shouting of "Amen," and "Preach it, brother." This is what we've been waiting for.
So, Steve will go on and tell us why it is that these new things are wonderful, how well they compare to other products, and then also what they will set us back. The former makes the latter palatable. Everyone in the room will create a reason why the new prices are A) acceptable and B) worth taking out a second mortgage or a home equity line of credit. It's not that we're brainwashed, it's just that the pitch is so good. Steve could sell rollerskates to velociraptors. It's what he does. Generally, though, he's on the ball. He wouldn't do this if he didn't believe it himself. It's why Apple is still here.
Apple makes technology cool. They make computing cool. This is why they hold such high esteem with many geeks. They make what we do into something that can get us laid. I realize this is trite, I realize this is clichéd, but it's also true. Windows guys are boring. I'm sorry Scoble, you just are. You try to think you're cool, by pointing out all our flaws, about how you're so much better than we are, about how you're in more places, and doing more things. But really, all it does is make you look bad, and us look oppressed and "dangerous" to the womenfolk.
Girls love Rebels. Steve Jobs could have so many many many more chicks than Bill. This is our version of Our God Can Kick Your God's Ass. Side note: Apple launches the iTMS with Bono and U2. Bill launches "Urge" with post-Janet post-Britney Justin Timberlake. JT may get nominated for Grammies, but Bono gets nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize.
At the end of the Keynote, Steve gives the blessing, er, I mean, thanks us for coming and sets us loose on the show floor, where everyone spends at least an hour coveting everything in the Apple booth and listening to various pitches from various other Mac-minded software and hardware purveyors. It's a great day. It's a great week. And sadly, this year, I can't go. I will instead stay at my office computer, refreshing Safari like a madman on the homepage of the news sites that will cover the event for those of us who won't be there. And that's why many Mac users will be sad this weekend. So, hug your Mac Geek if they can't be there. They'll feel like they're missing something.
[Update] How could I forget the Sacred Idiom™?! Steve usually closes his Keynote with a section devoted to "...and one more thing..." which usually is a surprise for the Mac faithful, sometimes an iSight camera, sometimes it's Keynote (the software) itself. This is usually the climax of the event, leading to applause and shouts from the audience. And it's also another thing that Bill could never carry.
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Comments:
If you're going, swing by the MS Mac Office booth and say hi to Jess for me.
Posted by Irwando on January 7, 2006 — 6:23 PM
You forgot to mention the Sacred Idiom™, "one more thing...."
Posted by BrianEnigma on January 7, 2006 — 8:12 PM
Ah yes Brian! I forgot! I shall amend my post.
Irwin, I wish I was going, sadly, gotta work next week.
Posted by Tom Bridge on January 7, 2006 — 8:51 PM
Girls do like Rebels, but I've been saying for more years than you and I have been together that I could never be with a man who thought Windows was the best OS on the market.... yay Stevenote!
Posted by Tiffany on January 7, 2006 — 8:57 PM
I describe it to the uninitiated as the Superbowl for mac geeks. I'm going for the first time this year! Just thinking about it makes me giggle. I'm so excited!
Posted by Sean on January 8, 2006 — 11:33 PM
Hey buddy, some of us geeks ARE girls. And most of us are not so worried about appealing to the womenfolk...
Otherwise, basically, right on.
Posted by Pascale Soleil on January 9, 2006 — 1:59 PM
I was getting laid on a regular basis long before I switched. But whipping out a big 17-incher sure doesn't hurt.
Posted by mikewas on January 9, 2006 — 5:00 PM