Is Marriage Worth It?
Forgive me if this rambles or gets too angry, I've had a very bad few days, and all of it leaves me questioning some foundation concepts of our Judeo-Christian society. I've gotten to the point where I have to ask, “Is Marriage Worth It?” Now, I'm not entirely referring to the concept of marriage, a foundational point of western culture, but that process of becoming married, of that legalistic and religious basic concept enshrined by our peculiar modern custom of having a wedding.
This afternoon, after we lost our last decent backup spot for the reception, now happening in 55 days, I have come to the point where I'm no longer interested in conforming to the process that has long been the cultural norm. I am no longer interested in buying into the concept of a wedding. The problem is that in the DC area, I'm hearing that engagements of up to Two Years are not uncommon. Two Years. To plan an event that from start to finish lasts less than eight hours. There are inaugural balls planned in significantly less time. The creation of a child takes less time to execute than a wedding. The problem is that we have built up the expectations of the wedding day to the point where there is a massive cottage industry that is multi-billion dollars in the United States alone, and as a result, the market is interested in $40,000 weddings and up, not our little affair. We're not interested in a wedding that costs what a BMW costs.
But there's no market for us. There's no group of people who work for weddings that don't break the five digit mark.
And yet, people spend tens of thousands of dollars on a wedding, when marriages end in divorce half the time. That's the best part of this nightmare. So many people are willing to spend multiple tens of thousands of dollars on a day they will have to repeat twice or three times in their lives.
I'm not interested anymore.
Comments:
Marriage is worth it, weddings aren't. We eloped to Oahu, got married in a park overlooking a waterfall, and spent a week in Hawaii. Total budget was about $5000 - 1991 dollars. I think the wedding part cost about $800, IIRC.
Posted by Chris on April 18, 2006 — 7:56 AM
Tom,
No, they're not. Weddings, that is.
From the outset of our engagement, and the very first formulations of a plan for our wedding, Heather and I made a pact that we were not going to have one of "those" weddings, where everyone gets crazy, arguments are plentiful, and stress levels high. And I sit here, less than one month away from my nuptials, I can say that *Heather and I*, did not make it so. Other people involved did. So much so, that 3 to 4 months ago we began to wish that we weren't having a traditional wedding at all. Everything we wanted our wedding to be (relaxed, laid-back, stress-free, meaningful, without drama) had slipped away from us. Now there is baggage. When really, we would have been most happy if we had done what Chris (above) and his wife did, and that is, run off *by ourselves*, and have a small ceremony that was ALL ABOUT US. Not about all the wedding stuff. I've quoted Tyler Durden a couple of times in the last month to Heather, with regards to the "stuff" that has long-since taken over...
"The shit you own, winds up owning you."
So no Tom, it's not worth it. And if we had the chance to do it all over, no body would be invited. There would be no unappreciative bridesmaids, judging mother in-laws, scarce hotel rooms, ballooning budgets, empty pockets, endless to-do lists, etc...
Just Heather and I.
But, what's done is done. And I plan on having a rip-roaring good time. :)
Posted by JR on April 18, 2006 — 12:19 PM
To echo the above: marriage is definitely worth it. "Weddings" rarely are (although D. and I had a total blast, we could have bought a car instead... very much a "For the family" gathering.)
Call your parents and hers. Get your best man and her maid of honor for witnesses. Hell, fly 'em all to Vegas if you want to really have some fun. Later, invite all of your friends to the Four P's, buy many rounds of drinks for all, and still have five figures left over to spend on being married.
No one in the world would blame you.
Posted by mikewas on April 18, 2006 — 3:22 PM